Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Only 33
Andy Hallett, aka "Lorne" from Angel, dies of heart failure.
He did the best demon version of "Lady Marmalade" ever.
He did the best demon version of "Lady Marmalade" ever.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Why the hell not?
A member of a cult entered a guilty plea in connection with the death of her child, with an unusual condition - the plea will be withdrawn if the child is resurrected.
Reached for comment, O.J. Simpson wondered about resurrecting his movie career...
Reached for comment, O.J. Simpson wondered about resurrecting his movie career...
I don't care if it makes you feel better...
Guy gets ticket, and decides he wants to pay under protest or something, so before he mails in his fine, he decides to...personalize things a bit.
This presumes he was really ticked off at someone in the clerk's office, since obviously the police officer who wrote him the ticket was never going to see his little protest. That, or he's an idiot.
Whichever.
Tip - Corner
This presumes he was really ticked off at someone in the clerk's office, since obviously the police officer who wrote him the ticket was never going to see his little protest. That, or he's an idiot.
Whichever.
Tip - Corner
Saturday, March 28, 2009
All you need is the headline...
Shamwow pitchman arrested for punching prostitute.
It's not quite "Ron Popeil found with dead hooker in trunk," but it's pretty good.
It's not quite "Ron Popeil found with dead hooker in trunk," but it's pretty good.
Why are our prisons full?
As I believe I have said before, our prisons are not full because America suffers from any unreasonably high levels of crime.
Our prisons are full because criminals are morons.
Case in point - the guy who thought it would be a good idea to commit an armed robbery...at a hotel hosting a police officers' convention.
The best part of the story - this quote from the accused robber:
Inigo?
"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
Unless you think it means "Dumber than a bag of hammers."
Our prisons are full because criminals are morons.
Case in point - the guy who thought it would be a good idea to commit an armed robbery...at a hotel hosting a police officers' convention.
The best part of the story - this quote from the accused robber:
When a reporter asked Blanchett for comment as he was led out of court, he said, "I'm smooth."Smooth?
Inigo?
"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
Unless you think it means "Dumber than a bag of hammers."
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Awesome person of the day
In Thailand, an autistic child, stuck on a third floor balcony, refuses to move for teachers and firemen trying to rescue him.
Sonchai Yoosabai hears the child is fond of superheroes, goes back to the fire station, where he keeps a Spider-Man costume. Returning the scene as Spider-Man, he is able to rescue the little boy.
He says he uses the costume to liven up fire drills. I don't care why he has a Spider-Man costume in his firehouse, all I know is I want every U.S. firehouse to have a Spider-Man costume by 2011. Someone get President Bailout on that, pronto. (If gender equity regulations require a Spider-Woman costume as well, this is permissible, provided they use the Julia Carpenter version of the costume, as it is cooler than the Jessica Drew version.)
Sonchai Yoosabai hears the child is fond of superheroes, goes back to the fire station, where he keeps a Spider-Man costume. Returning the scene as Spider-Man, he is able to rescue the little boy.
He says he uses the costume to liven up fire drills. I don't care why he has a Spider-Man costume in his firehouse, all I know is I want every U.S. firehouse to have a Spider-Man costume by 2011. Someone get President Bailout on that, pronto. (If gender equity regulations require a Spider-Woman costume as well, this is permissible, provided they use the Julia Carpenter version of the costume, as it is cooler than the Jessica Drew version.)
Friday, March 20, 2009
Special
Barack Obama - My bowling is like the Special Olympics!
Special Olympics bowler with five perfect games to his credit: You wish.
Special Olympics bowler with five perfect games to his credit: You wish.
And the truth shall set you free...
Trying to B.S. your way out of a speeding ticket doesn't really count as lying, right? When you add the fine, plus what happens to your insurance once the points go on your record, it's really expensive, and everyone can understand shading the truth a bit. Besides, speeding laws aren't really about public safety, no matter what anyone says, they're about getting money, right? Since it's all just a game, what's wrong with playing to win? Plus, everyone does it, right?
Also, it's a fairly low risk endeavor. Even if everyone's pretty sure you're lying, they probably won't be able to prove it, right? And even if they do, what's the worst that could happen?
A judge in Australia took a shot at it, claiming someone else was driving his car when it was clocked speeding by a traffic camera. He told that story in court under oath, and it worked, saving him a $77 fine and three points on his license. Then somebody went digging, and found out the person he claimed was really driving his car had died three years earlier, setting in motion a chain of events that led the judge to plead guilty to perjury.
The judge spent his sentencing hearing presenting evidence about his good works as a judge and human rights official and how he would suffer in prison.
The prosecution quoted him directly:
He was sentenced to three years in prison, to serve a minimum of two.
On the plus side, he may still have a clean driving record.
Also, it's a fairly low risk endeavor. Even if everyone's pretty sure you're lying, they probably won't be able to prove it, right? And even if they do, what's the worst that could happen?
A judge in Australia took a shot at it, claiming someone else was driving his car when it was clocked speeding by a traffic camera. He told that story in court under oath, and it worked, saving him a $77 fine and three points on his license. Then somebody went digging, and found out the person he claimed was really driving his car had died three years earlier, setting in motion a chain of events that led the judge to plead guilty to perjury.
The judge spent his sentencing hearing presenting evidence about his good works as a judge and human rights official and how he would suffer in prison.
The prosecution quoted him directly:
"To tell a deliberate lie or a series of lies which has these consequences is at best arrogant, and at worst a complete rejection of law and order," he quoted the former Queen's Counsel.
He was sentenced to three years in prison, to serve a minimum of two.
On the plus side, he may still have a clean driving record.
There are jobs to be had. You just have to go get them.
People are hiring. In fact, there are employers who need good workers so badly they're holding job fairs to try and attract new employees.
Employers like the Foxy Lady strip club in Providence, RI.
Good help is always hard to find, even in trying economic times.
Employers like the Foxy Lady strip club in Providence, RI.
Good help is always hard to find, even in trying economic times.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Alternative Dispute Resolution
Dallas high school reportedly allowed students to settle disputes with cage fights.
Administrators denied the report, saying that they would never taint the good name of Rampage Jackson High School with such antics.
Administrators denied the report, saying that they would never taint the good name of Rampage Jackson High School with such antics.
NCAA starts today
If Obama wants my support in the future, he can get to work on declaring the first round of the NCAA Tournament a national holiday.
I'm picking Memphis over North Carolina in the finals. I don't actually think Memphis is going to win the whole thing, but when the crazy redhead and I were in Vegas a few months back, we dropped $5 on Memphis to win the tournament at 25-1 odds, so Memphis winning it all nets me $125, whereas more likely winners UNC and Pitt net me bupkus. Ergo, go Tigers.
Also, we hate Kansas State now, but good effort by the alma mater. A tougher schedule next year might help you actually win these kind of games. Just something to think about.
I'm picking Memphis over North Carolina in the finals. I don't actually think Memphis is going to win the whole thing, but when the crazy redhead and I were in Vegas a few months back, we dropped $5 on Memphis to win the tournament at 25-1 odds, so Memphis winning it all nets me $125, whereas more likely winners UNC and Pitt net me bupkus. Ergo, go Tigers.
Also, we hate Kansas State now, but good effort by the alma mater. A tougher schedule next year might help you actually win these kind of games. Just something to think about.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
How people get caught breaking the law
You want to drive in the carpool lane, but you don't want any other, you know, people in your car. (And, honestly, why would you? They carp about your radio selections, and they couldn't give a crap about leaving crumbs in your seats. Screw the environment, I've got leather upholstery to keep clean.)
So you rig up a dummy so you get the benefit of the carpool lane, but still don't have to haul around any of your annoying fellow men. Do you get away with it?
Of course not, because being a moron, you forget to buckle your dummy's seat belt.
So you rig up a dummy so you get the benefit of the carpool lane, but still don't have to haul around any of your annoying fellow men. Do you get away with it?
Of course not, because being a moron, you forget to buckle your dummy's seat belt.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
My new favorite actress
Hayden Panettiere wants Milo Ventimiglia off of Heroes.
Granted, her reasons apparently have more to do with an ex-girlfriend's vindictiveness than Peter being a ridiculous character who should have been killed off two seasons ago or Ventimiglia generally being a talentless load, but a world where he's not dragging down Heroes is a better world, however it comes about.
Granted, her reasons apparently have more to do with an ex-girlfriend's vindictiveness than Peter being a ridiculous character who should have been killed off two seasons ago or Ventimiglia generally being a talentless load, but a world where he's not dragging down Heroes is a better world, however it comes about.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Thanks for helping
In Sweden, protesters who wanted to complain about Israel's Gaza offensive threatened to raise such a stink about it that a pending Davis Cup tennis match between Israel and Sweden had to be played in an empty arena, because of security concerns about what protesters would do.
Interestingly, Israel won. Barely. Sweden's Andreas Vinciguerra faltered towards the end of the deciding match, allowing Israel's Haral Levy to clinch the match for Israel. Afterwards, Levy suggested that perhaps if Vinciguerra had a stadium full of his countrymen cheering him on, the result might have been different:
So, from Israel - thanks for that.
Interestingly, Israel won. Barely. Sweden's Andreas Vinciguerra faltered towards the end of the deciding match, allowing Israel's Haral Levy to clinch the match for Israel. Afterwards, Levy suggested that perhaps if Vinciguerra had a stadium full of his countrymen cheering him on, the result might have been different:
"Maybe they lost this tie from the lack of support from the spectators," he said. "After all it affected them more than it affected us. Hopefully it won't happen again."So, to the protesters - Israel won something they otherwise might have lost, and it's all because of you guys.
So, from Israel - thanks for that.
Come again?
Reading about President Obama's education plan, a big component of the coverage was his "willingness to take on teacher's unions." After all, a common complaint among people interested in education reform is the recalcitrance of teachers' unions to agree to changes that might make it easier to fire bad teachers or base pay on things other than longevity, and Republicans have made headway for years attacking Democrats as tools of the NEA, (and tools in general), more interested in keeping the donation flow going than the results in the schools. So a Democratic President who's willing to "take on" the teacher's unions is definitely change, and maybe even change that brings hope, if our President were interested in billing himself in such a fashion.
That being said, do these quotes sound like they're coming from people who are being "taken on," or having any of their own particular oxen gored?
Which, you know, just totally describes the teacher's unions.
And with things like the DC school choice program being sunsetted without any apparent complaint from Obama, and the details of how, exactly, merit pay, or something that will be presented as merit pay still to be worked out, the unions are sounding like someone that isn't going to have any serious problem with the final product.
Or, you know, like someone who hasn't been "taken on," in any significant respect.
But, hey, good looking out, news dudes.
That being said, do these quotes sound like they're coming from people who are being "taken on," or having any of their own particular oxen gored?
"We embrace the goals and aspirations outlined today by President Obama when he called for providing all Americans with a comprehensive, competitive education that begins in early childhood and extends through their careers." - Randi Weingarten, President, American Federation of Teachers.That could be the responses you'd expect from someone being challenged, if they didn't have a reputation of being particularly combative.
"We welcome the vision President Obama is presenting for strengthening public education in the 21st century. He's off to a solid start, making the largest investment of federal funds in the history of public education with the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act." - Dennis Van Roekel, President, National Education Association.
Which, you know, just totally describes the teacher's unions.
And with things like the DC school choice program being sunsetted without any apparent complaint from Obama, and the details of how, exactly, merit pay, or something that will be presented as merit pay still to be worked out, the unions are sounding like someone that isn't going to have any serious problem with the final product.
Or, you know, like someone who hasn't been "taken on," in any significant respect.
But, hey, good looking out, news dudes.
Monday, March 09, 2009
I'm sure he was up all night sweating the election results.
Kim Jong Il re-elected with 100% of the vote in an election that had 100% turnout in his district.
Representatives of his opponent "Having the Secret Police Drag You Off To Prison, Torturing You, and Shooting You in the Head," were unavailable for comment.
Representatives of his opponent "Having the Secret Police Drag You Off To Prison, Torturing You, and Shooting You in the Head," were unavailable for comment.
Friday, March 06, 2009
Watchmen movie out today...
I'll get to see it on Sunday. Can't wait.
I figure it will be a lot like this.
Which looks just perfectly true to Alan Moore's vision, if you ask me.
I figure it will be a lot like this.
Which looks just perfectly true to Alan Moore's vision, if you ask me.
