Crosblog

First of all, you'll probably try to impress the judges by singing some ridiculously hard song. Something like "I Will Always Love You." It won't go well. It never does.

But even if you can hit and hold that big note at the end ("And EYE...EEE...EYE...EEE...EYE...WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU...OOOO!") you don't want to go out because apparently they will make you sign a contract that they think lets them stop you from releasing your own album even though you didn't even make the finals and it's not like your album's going to do "Chinese Democracy" numbers and you just want your dying mother to see you make an album while she's still alive.

But mostly it's the "I Will Always Love You" thing.

Russian communists upset about Ukrainian actress playing a Bond girl.

So if you see "Quantum of Solace" you will make a communist unhappy.

Good a reason as any to see a movie, says I.

Especially one where a bunch of stuff blows up.

Ted Stevens convicted on all counts. Enjoy prison, you tax-dollar leeching hyena, and hey, thanks for not dropping out of your Senate race so's as to create the only scenario possible where a Democrat wins in freaking Alaska.

My point is this quote:

Despite being a convicted felon, he is not required to drop out of the race or resign from the Senate. If he wins re-election, he can continue to hold his seat because there is no rule barring felons from serving in Congress.

Everyone out there who would immediately lose their job if convicted of a felony - especially a felony that involved betraying the trust given to you when you got the job in the first place - raise your hands.

John, Barack, Joe - put your damned hands down.

And hey, why should we leave out Gov. Palin?

Gov. Sarah Palin, the Republican vice presidential nominee, said, "The verdict shines a light on the corrupting influence of the big oil service company that was allowed to control too much of our state. It was part of the culture of corruption I was elected to fight. And that fight must always move forward regardless of party or seniority or even past service."

"I'm confident Senator Stevens will do what's right for the people of Alaska."

Governor, have you met Ted Stevens?

It actually should be a fun appeal. I may have to look into some of the issues one of these days.

The above phrase makes periodic, unscheduled appearances in my vocabulary. Every so often, the realization hits that in just a few short months, I'm going to be handed a baby, kicked out of the hospital, and subsequently held pretty much fully responsible for how (s)he turns out.

I look to my wife for support in these situations, and she lovingly and supportingly says "Hey, this whole thing was your idea."

It's because we're a team that I know we're going to be great parents. In other news, Dad's totally OK with you playing video games and staying up late, but Mom says you have to clean your room.

Anyways, we just ordered a few things for the baby this weekend. We got a crib, a changing table, a car seat, and to judge by the total price tag, a Newborn Class Space Shuttle or something.

But hey, if you don't get your kid a Space Shuttle you risk leaving your child behind.

The WWE just did an update on one of my favorite wrestlers growing up - Barry Horowitz.

I actually have always missed the Saturday morning wrestling shows, which featured short, usually one sided matches where superstars would take on a mostly unknown bunch of wrestlers. The unknown losers ("jobbers" if you must use wrestlespeak) were usually local guys just picking up a check, but a few of them were regulars and had characters and were known to the fans. Several of these guys were there for a purpose - they were actually pretty good wrestlers, and were specifically on the roster to work with up and coming talent and put make them look good before they were moved on more important roles. Guys like Iron Mike Sharpe and Jose Luis Estrada were actually as good in the ring as many of the wrestlers who beat them, but that was the point - it ensured the newcomers first showings would be good matches, and establish their characters properly.

Horowitz was the best of the bunch. He was actually a very versatile in-ring performer who could adapt to any style, and help establish his opponent as a true threat. If his opponent was a technician, such as Mr. Perfect, Horowitz would use holds and traditional wrestling moves, giving his opponent opportunities to counter him and look like a ring genius. Against a brawler like the Ultimate Warrior, Horowitz made him look like a killer who couldn't be taken out without some sort of heavy artillery.

Wrestlers like Horowitz were well-regarded by the wrestlers they put over, because of their skill in the ring and their selfless ability to put their skills to work making other people look good. You know, the WWE has a Hall of Fame, and while the Hall has some of the people you'd expect, such as the greatest in-ring performers, they also honor greats in other aspects of wrestling, such as great managers and commentators. One of these days, there should be a spot for the best enhancement talent there ever was.

And, of course, the Horowitz match every wrestling fan remembers...

A local essay contest is giving away a grand prize of $10,000 for a wedding, along with flowers and invitations, to residents of three metro Atlanta counties. Pretty good prize, and the entry deadling of October 31 is coming up quick. The catch - the happy couple must agree not to have sex before the wedding.

So far - no takers.

So now they're looking for people who, okay, maybe you had sex, but don't you kind of wish you hadn't?

And...still nobody.

Read this story about a supposed on-set feud between America Ferrara and Lindsay Lohan that got Lohan's guest stint cut short. It is claimed that during a scene in which Ferrara was supposed to "de-pants" Lohan went awry because Lohan wasn't wearing underwear.

I know. I was shocked too.

Anyways, a friend of Lohan's refutes the story:

But a Lohan pal fumed, "Bull [bleep]! Lindsay wears underwear all the time now. She was wearing a G-string. And it was America's fault."

Now. As opposed to then.

You know, I kind of miss being young.

Check out this abandoned mansion in Ohio, previously owned by one Mike Tyson. He has an ice cream sundae bar by the pool.

Kevin Smith finally makes a movie with no room for Ben Affleck.

That guy who knocked out Kimbo Slice apparently took out the entire company.

Was the locker room fight at the end of last night's episode of Chuck the greatest TV scene this year, or the greatest scene in the entire history of TV?

On a related question (related in that they both deal with NBC), is the lesson we're supposed to learn from yesterday's My Own Worst Enemy that evil people are better in bed than decent people?

If so, I just want it noted that I'm both a lawyer and a Republican.

I thought the Palin SNL segments were fine. Nothing hugely funny, but a couple of decent laughs. Being funny is an important, and I think, understated requirement of, if not a President, certainly a Presidential candidate. People like funny. People can relate to funny. A candidate with a sense of humor is one who can listen to a zinger from a late-night comedian and laugh as opposed to, say, bombing a TV studio.

Is humor as important to being President as, say, knowing how many states we have? It probably shouldn't be, and yet, we keep electing the funnier guy. I submit the funnier candidate has won, at least every election I'm old enough to remember. To recall:

1980 - Jimmy Carter vs. Ronald Reagan. Reagan is way funnier, and wins the Presidency.

1984 - Ronald Reagan vs. Walter Mondale. Come on, the line about not using Mondale's youth and inexperience against him was gold. Way funnier - wins in a landslide.

1988 - George H.W. Bush vs. Michael Dukakis. OK, this is the comedy equivalent of a football game between North Texas and Idaho. That being said, Bush the Elder's slight humor edges out Dukakis' none, and he wins.

1992 - George H.W. Bush vs. Bill Clinton. Again, no contest. The Democrats nominate someone who can both tell and take a joke, and they win the White House. That ability to take a joke thing turned out to come in handy, too. If you want to add Ross Perot - Clinton had him beat on this front as well.

1996 - Bill Clinton vs. Bob Dole. I know - after the election, Bob Dole pulled the stick out and amazed us all with how genuine and funny he was. During the actual campaign, however, his level of old-person grouchiness makes John McCain at his worst look like the cast of High School Musical.

2000 - Al Gore vs. George W. Bush. Bush is a fairly funny guy by politician standards, and came across as good-humored during his campaign. Gore is another candidate who chose to pull the stick out a little too late and lost an election that had no business even being close.

2004 - George W. Bush vs. John Kerry. By contrast, John Kerry likes his stick right where it is, thank you very much.

2008 - So, who's funnier - Obama or McCain? They go head to head here doing Politican Comedy, which is sort of like Actual Comedy, only much less funny. Usually, people tend to find humor in people they agree with - Bill Maher hasn't told anything that sounds even remotely like a joke to me in years, but my wife still thinks he's funny. (Of course, my wife also thinks I'm occasionally funny, and what are principles when one's ego needs stroking?)

To me, McCain's humor sounds more genuine, while Obama's just trying to read the cue cards, and frankly, not doing as well as he does on the campaign trail. Your mileage may vary, of course. For what it's worth, I thought Obama did better when he, McCain, and Clinton all cut wrestling promos for Monday Night Raw a few months back, but I've never seen an attempt by Obama to be funny that matches the "John McCain sings Streisand" sketch on SNL a few years back.

So, if you're a McCain supporter and you want to hope, there you go. The funnier guy wins the election, and McCain is slightly funnier than Obama.

This guy is the guy McCain should be using in his ads. He kind of sounds like he'd be up for it, too.

Tip - Ace.

A woman is arrested for stealing some items from a man who died while they were having sex. (He apparently had a heart attack.) Her comment?

"I thought he was just tired."

Terrence Howard is out and Don Cheadle is in as James Rhodes in "Iron Man 2." The sequel is reported to feature Rhodes' debut as War Machine.

Which, if Howard wasn't aware, is when the part of playing James Rhodes actually gets pretty freaking cool.

17 witnesses and 76 days after beginning, the prosecution rested its case against Atlanta Courthouse shooter Brian Nichols.

The defense began presenting its case today, trying to establish that Nichols was insane when he killed Judge Rowland Barnes, Julie Brandau, Fulton County Sheriff's Deputy Hoyt Teasley, and Customs Agent David Wilhelm. Their first witness was the woman Nichols was on trial for raping when he made his escape.

Best Rapper Alive: Eminem.

I don't know how the brilliant mind behind "I Got A Man" doesn't win this, but, hey, that's why you actually have to go to the polls.

Inflation in Zimbabwe hits 231 million percent. And a day might be coming very soon when 231,000,000% is considered "the good old days:"

Independent economists say that inflation this month will run into the trillions.

Also, they're pretty much out of food.

Chinese Democracy. November 23. Best Buy Exclusive.

Odds?

Today jurors will hear Brian Nichols' explanation for his actions when a three hour video of his confession is played in court.

Jurors recently heard testimony about the murder of Customs Agent David Wilhelm, who was killed after Nichols fled the courthouse. Wilhelm had actually spoken to a friend about what would happen if either of them encountered Nichols, whose flight was the only story in Atlanta at the time. An expert witness testified that Wilhelm was unarmed and possibly on his knees when he was shot, contradicting a claim Nichols once made that he shot Wilhelm because the agent pointed a gun at him.

Ashley Smith Robinson, Nichols' former hostage and the woman whose faith and courage is widely credited with bringing a peaceful end to Nichols' rampage, testified about her ordeal as well. Robinson, who I've said before is Nichols' best hope for avoiding a death sentence, did offer testimony that the defense is certain to use when arguing for Nichols' life.

“So it was a genuine part of your experience that you thought this person sitting next to you, walking around in that apartment, was salvageable,” lead defense attorney Henderson Hill asked Robinson

“Yes sir,” she said.

When speaking to police, Nichols claimed to be "rebelling" against the Government. The defense is claiming that Nichols was compelled to act as he did by a "delusional disorder" that the justice system was rigged against him because of his race.

Unrelated question. Has anyone ever asked Al Sharpton if that was the sort of belief one could call "delusional?" I'm just curious.

Women look for intelligence in men over other qualities, both for long-term relationships and one night stands.

A study about what men are looking for is in progress, and should be completed in, like, five minutes.

White Sox aren't quite dead yet.

How's it going up on the North Side?

...why, was there something else on TV?

Tonight is the Veep debate between Gov. Sarah Palin (R-AK) and Sen. Joe Biden (D-ouchebag).

Oh, come on. It was a little bit funny.

Anyways, Republicans are terrified, because Palin hasn't been exactly knocking previous appearances out of the park. Gov. Palin has been getting savaged in the press, although she is getting somewhat of a break recently. Since debate wins are all about performance vs. expectations, it is now being aruged that Palin is a skilled debater who filleted her opponents in Alaska, and that in nearly four decades of public life, Joe Biden's primary contribution to the American political scene has been copious amounts of comedic windbaggery.

Sorry, no sale. After weeks of reading about how Obama's Veep selection was a sage choice of a seasoned foreign policy hand, and McCain's pick borders on treason, here are the expectations: Biden loses if he cannot produce peace in the Middle East. Palin wins if she can go two hours without claiming she's seen a dinosaur.

Run the bad stuff before you fact-check it, this is what you get.

I'm sort of kidding. I actually think McCain and Palin need to man up (in a sense) about the harsher media scrutiny she gets vis-a-vis Obama. Is it fair to have to deliver your message through a media that is uniformly rooting for your opponent? Technically speaking, no, but if you weren't aware that those were the cards you were being dealt, then you are truly not ready for national office.

Take Gwen Ifill-gate. Of course it creates the appearance of bias, of course the debate would be better served with a different moderator, and of course mentioning either of the above is racist, whining, or both. That being said, seriously, what did you expect? Slide a comment about the book into one of your answers so people have to talk about it later, and move on. Seriously, Ifill could probably end McCain/Palin's chances right now by bringing Jim Lehrer or somebody with her, and before the first question is asked, offering to sub out right then and there. That would force Palin to basically vouch for Ifill's impartiality right there, since there's no way she could actually say "Yeah, hit the bricks."

The other reason this is all McCain's fault is he made this risky, daring pick, and then tried to somehow take as few risks as possible. The whole reason behind picking Palin was simple - McCain was almost certainly going to lose. Everyone's expectation was that McCain would make a conventional VP choice, such as Romney or Pawlenty, and run a tough campaign that ultimately came up a bit short. Picking Palin shook things up and suddenly created a situation in which people could really envision McCain winning. This brought about a strong reaction, which, again, should have sort of been anticipated. And while yes, it is true that if Palin's Democratic critics were really all that concerned about a lack of experience, Obama would have finished about fourth in the Democratic primaries, but double standards from your political opponents is also on the list of things that really should have fallen into the "not really a surprise" category.

By the time this is read, it will probably already have happened, and Palin will have either risen to the occasion or struck out, and she will either help McCain make a real run at winning, or have sounded his death knell. None of this will depend on whether Biden performed well, or whether he went off on Batshit Tangent #4138B, because nobody's going to be talking about him unless he comes on stage without pants, and maybe not even then.

I suggest he give it a shot.

It's only the 5th inning, and I already hate Evan Longoria.

...but if your friend needs help because (s)he's being arrested for DUI, and you are currently drunk yourself, don't drive out to meet your friend and the cop.

...OK, I really still don't, but trying to explain it in the style of Yakko Warner can only help clear things up.

I miss the Animaniacs.

White Sox win AL Central.

Yeah, they aren't supposed to beat the Rays, but hey, that crosstown series talk is still live.

And Barack Obama's a Sox fan, so if you rooted against them, you're a bad person.