Crosblog

It's important to note this happens in Wyoming.

Person calling 911: There's a "big cat" out here causing trouble.

911 dispatcher to cop: Somebody complained about a "house cat." Go check it out.

Cop arrives at scene: HOLY $%^& THAT'S A FREAKING MOUNTAIN LION!

So remember people. If you happen to encounter a police officer and you think he's being unduly suspicious, it's because for all he knows, there's a damned mountain lion around and nobody told him about it.

To help, keep your hands in sight, avoid sudden movements, and promptly inform the police officer if there is, in fact, a mountain lion around.

The trial of Atlanta courthouse shooter Brian Nichols has finished its first week. The trial began with the testimony of one of the prosecutors during Nichols' previous rape trial, who talked about the elaborate planning that went into the rape Nichols was being tried for when the rampage occurred. The prosecutor was part of a bizarre side trip prior to the trial beginning, where the defense attempted to claim that the prosecutor was using drugs during Nichols' prosecution, and this somehow caused the State to not offer Nichols a decent plea deal, which may have fueled Nichols belief that the justice system was out to get him, which led him to...well, you know. The jury also heard about, but not from, Fulton County Deputy Cynthia Hall, the deputy in charge of transporting Nichols to and from the courtroom the day he escaped. Hall was beaten so savagely that the paramedic who responded believed she had been shot. She survived, but suffered brain damage and has no memory of her attack.

Eyewitnesses testified as to Nichols shooting Judge Rowland Barnes and court reporter Julie Brandau. Nichols is raising an insanity defense, and his attorneys are trying to portray his actions as those of a deluded man. To support a finding of not guilty by reason of insanity, the jury must find either that Nichols lacked the ability to distinguish between right and wrong, or that Nichols was acting under a delusional compulsion. Such verdicts are rare in any case, and is likely to be particularly difficult in light of Nichols' clearly detailed plan for escape and revenge. The main goal of Nichols defense is to save his life in the penalty phase, since the smart money is on Nichols being convicted. I think one of the more interesting points on this front will be the testimony of Ashley Smith Robinson, the courageous former hostage who talked Nichols into allowing her to leave, leading to his capture. Robinson will likely be expected to testify about her conversations with Nichols, with an eye to showing that he was aware of his surroundings and in touch with reality, but I also think she may be one of the keys to saving his life. Robinson is considered a hero here in Atlanta, and has spoken often about how her ordeal led to her rediscovering her faith and turning her own life around. If she somehow asked the jury to spare Nichols' life, I think they're almost certain to do it.

The trial continues tomorrow.

The tidyness of your office or bedroom can reveal your political preferences. A tidier office suggests more conservative politics, while liberals tend to have a more cluttered workspace.

Normally, I'd be compelled to say the Obama campaign can feel free to cite me when they remind people that it's the ones with stuff on their desk who are, you know, actually doing stuff. (Putting your files in neat stacks and making sure all your pens face the same way is almost certainly not the work you're being paid to do.) That being said, I going to go out on a limb and say that one of the exceptions to the rule is this guy. Meanwhile, the GOP's #2 candidate almost certainly has moose parts laying around her office.

...more or less. Busy week.

I have also been busy getting older. (I turned 30-something on Monday.) Below is my birthday cake, generously provided by a co-worker's daughter.

Supernatural is still pretty awesome.

A jury has been seated for the trial of Brian Nichols in the Atlanta courthouse shootings.

Reading through the descriptions of the jurors and their statements, I think the state is swimming upstream as far as persuading all twelve of them to vote for death. (One juror stated she opposed the death penalty, although presumably she was willing enough to consider it to be allowed to serve, another believes the justice system is biased against African-Americans. At least one more sounded reluctant at the prospect of being the one to decide if Nichols lives or dies.) As I've stated before, Fulton County juries have been reluctant to sentence people to death, although this particular crime stands out considerably, and might be an exception to the rule.

The trial continues on Monday.

The most important news story in America concerns actress Megan Fox's prior romantic relationship with a stripper named Nikita.

The media's taken some lumps this election season, but I think I speak for everyone when I say - get us the whole story about this, and all is forgiven.

No, I'm not talking about McCain. He's actually doing all right at the moment.

I'm talking about Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino. We saw Righteous Kill over the weekend, and all I can think about is how many scripts must have tried to put these two together in a movie, and this piece of junk won the race? What the hell did they turn down? I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry?

So, as I understand it, in about four months, my wife and I will go to the hospital, and after a period of time, she and I will be handed a baby, sent home, and expected to turn said baby into a law-abiding, well adjusted adult over the course of the next 18 years.

Eh, how hard can it be?

I'm not sure the dogs even know there's anything different going on right now. Currently, Koshka's favorite activities are: 1.) Sleeping, and 2.) Being left the hell alone by anyone who doesn't want to get an arm ripped off, so I figure she won't mind the disruption too much, as long as she still has her various sanctuaries throughout the house. On the other end of the age spectrum, we suspect Smutyan will very much appreciate the child, once (s)he starts to be mobile. (Smutyan's greatest joy is run around like a damn fool. Children understand and appreciate this desire better than adults do. Heck, I understand and appreciate it, I'm just not physically capable of accomodating it for more than a few minutes at a time.) Otchki will probably consider the child a betrayal, but he is the best-natured animal I've ever met, and he'll warm up to the kid in due time.

The trip to Vegas was planned prior to either of us knowing, since we both wanted to be there for the start of the NFL season. (And, as Dawn Summers knows well, the end of my fantasy football season.) It turned into what we were calling our last grownup hurrah, but really it's our last hurrah as oversized adolescents, since we currently don't have to act like grownups, but as I understand the whole parenting thing, you're ideally supposed to act like adults around your kids. (Unless you want to embarrass them in front of their friends, of course. Which I will.)

There's a lot of panic involved in knowing you're about to be a parent, however. You ask yourselves questions like "How do you (insert seemingly routine parenting task here)?" "What do I do when the baby barfs/cries/has a fever/grows up and wants to date a biker?" "Will my wife leave the baby at the airport one of these days?"

If I didn't worry about that last one at least a little bit, I wouldn't be ready for fatherhood.

And finally, will the baby be named after Dawn Summers? Given that the baby will be named in 2009, and Dawn Summers was named, I believe, sometime in the 60's, I can say that yes, the baby will be named after Dawn Summers.

This story has a happy ending, I promise. I just need a bit to get there.

Last Thanksgiving, my wife gave me a small gift. Nothing huge or expensive, just a small white stick with an "EPT" logo and a plus sign on it. I could not possibly have been happier. A few days later, we went to the doctor for what we thought was a routine exam, only to learn something that scared us. The baby wasn't as big as she was supposed to be for as far along as my wife was. A follow up confirmed our worst fears, and she was gone before we could ever get to know her. (I have no reason to know, but both of us believe she was a girl.)

There were times I thought I'd gotten past it, but there were times...a friend announced he and his wife were expecting at work, and I clapped and congratulated him (he and his wife had a beautiful baby boy a couple weeks ago), and then I went in my office and closed the door for awhile. Another hard time, of all things, was watching Juno. (Jason Bateman's character was a jackass.) On the one hand, this was something I wanted more than anything, and was probably the only thing missing from an otherwise pretty darn good life. But on the other hand, I was scared about going through this again.

I mention this because it helps to actually say it, and also to explain why I'm just now sharing the following news.

A few months ago, my wife went to the doctor without me, and when we met for dinner later that night, she showed me a picture of what, to me, looked kind of like Frogger. A few more appointments provided some reassurance - growing as expected, everything where it was supposed to be, blood tests for scary things negative, until this week we went in for an ultrasound, and I'm now willing to actually say it out loud:

WE'RE HAVING A BABY!!!!!

Due date is January 7. We don't know the gender, and we're not planning to find out.

I mean, until the baby's born. Of course we'll find out then.

As I write this, I am sitting in McCarran Airport in Las Vegas, one of only two airports or hotels on planet Earth not to charge for wireless access. (In case you're wondering, the other is the Holiday Inn Express in beautiful Forsyth, Georgia. Unless God really doesn't like you, you will have no reason to benefit from this information.)

The first thing I would like to say is I promised to blame Dawn Summers for any misfortune that befell my fantasy team. And I want to assure the American people, this is one promise that will be kept.

Palinmania completely bypassed me, since I was in Vegas for the bulk of the Republican convention, and plus I wouldn't have watched it anyway. From what I've read, I remain thrilled with the pick. She's a perfect match for what McCain needs to do, which is figure out a way to run as a conventional Republican and a maverick at the same time. The thing with the pregnant daughter was a bit of a distraction, but I do remember reading somewhere that Barack Obama himself made a great statement declaring Gov. Palin's kids off limits. I presume the date of that statement marked the last time any supporter of Obama mentioned the words "Bristol" or "Levi" in any post, column, or media appearance that did not involve either discussing either a city in Connecticut or blue jeans. If they are still talking about that, that would suggest that people who know and trust Obama the most aren't particularly interested in following his leadership, and the rest of us would be fools to give him any more authority than he has now.

That being said, the fact that everyone is comparing Palin and Obama is a net win for the GOP, since it's basically comparing the Dem's starting quarterback to the Republican's backup quarterback.

Having discussed starting and backup quarterbacks reminds me. Dawn Summers is evil.

Vegas is usually expensive for us, because Georgia has declared gambling to be immoral and wrong, so we have lost time to make up for when we get here. I played in two poker tournaments, and won two moral victories. (Actual prize received: Did not do anything really stupid and embarrass self. Actual retail value of prize: Bupkus.) We came out for kickoff, and bet a lot on football. The crazy redhead is still upset with me because I refused to root for Miami to come back and beat the Jets. (I bet on the Jets to win, and she had some crazy-ass parlay that required the score of the game to be more than 37 points. She blames me. Not Chad Pennington. Not the Jets defense. Me.)

This reminds me. Dawn Summers is still evil.

We're flying back tonight on a redeye, and hopefully there'll be something interesting to talk about tomorrow.

This year's incarnation of my fantasy football team. Key draft rules were to play unconventional by going for a QB in the first round, and remembering that Shawn Alexander and Jake Delhomme are dead to me. (Free fantasy draft tip from me to you - hold grudges.) With that, we wound up with...

QB's - Tom Brady, Vince Young
RB's - Ryan Grant, Darren McFadden, Matt Forte, Chris Perry
WR's - Santonio Holmes, Wes Welker, Derrick Mason
TE's - Tony Gonzales, Ben Utecht
K - Robbie Gould
D's - Giants, Ravens.

Obviously, should this Tom Brady-centric lineup not win, blame will rest largely, if not completely, with Dawn Summers.

Also, a question - Ben Utecht - keep or ditch?