Wednesday, January 30, 2008
The Real Motor City Madman
One thing always sure to push my Schadenfreude button is any story that embarrasses the city of Detroit, a city that would still be no better than the second best place to live if the only other option were a dumpster that had been set on fire.
That said, once upon a time, I actually had high hopes for Kwame Kilpatrick when he was elected mayor of Detroit back in 2002. Although we left town before he took office (let's not go nuts here - our hopes weren't that high), Kilpatrick sounded like exactly the right person to turn Detroit into a Place You Wouldn't Be Ashamed To Admit Was Actually In America.
Along the way, the mayor was a party to a lawsuit brought by two men fired from their jobs with the Detroit Police department. Gary Brown and Harold Nelthorpe claimed they were fired from their jobs, in part to stop investigations that would expose His Honor's affairs, particularly with Christine Beatty, his chief of staff.
Go ahead. Take a couple moments to make "chief of staff" jokes. Just get it all out of your system now.
Feel better? OK, we go on. The mayor (married) was shocked, shocked I say at such lurid allegations. Both he and Ms. Beatty (married at the time) vehemently denied the claims. When a jury sided with the former officers, awarding them $6.5 million in a lawsuit many advised the city to settle, the mayor gave a statement that implied that the problem was a jury that had only one Detroit resident on it. The mayor initially makes statements about appealing the verdict, but eventually someone talks him into settling the lawsuit for $8.4 million, counting legal fees and interest.
OK, all that was setup, for the really fun part. The part where the Detroit Free Press got ahold of text messages between Kilpatrick and Beatty that seem to show that Kilpatrick and Beatty were unquestionably having an affair, and therefore lying under oath when they testified at the civil trial.
So, on the one hand, the mayor lied under oath, which is in fact a crime, and as a result the City of Detroit, not exactly a cash-rich operation, is out over 8 million big ones. On the other hand, the lies were about sex, so precedent dictates that instead of resigning in shame, Kilpatrick should double his popularity and go on to become a popular international statesman.
Seriously, if Hillary Clinton wants to sell tickets to watch her suggest how Detroit should react to this, I'd buy one.
After several days of speculation, Christine Beatty resigned her position as chief of staff. So, the female half of this scandal has paid for it with her job. Now, as a beacon of fairness and equality, Mayor Kilpatrick, who accepted Beatty's resignation, surely is going to insist on being treated equally, and will also resign, right?
I think we all know that if that's what had happened, I wouldn't have given it that much build-up.
So now the mayor is potentially facing perjury charges, although I'll predict that somehow they find a way not to charge him. ("It's time for us all to heal and come together for the benefit of Detroit" would be my guess.)
So, that's what's been happening in Detroit since we left.
Red Wings are still pretty good though. So they've got that.
That said, once upon a time, I actually had high hopes for Kwame Kilpatrick when he was elected mayor of Detroit back in 2002. Although we left town before he took office (let's not go nuts here - our hopes weren't that high), Kilpatrick sounded like exactly the right person to turn Detroit into a Place You Wouldn't Be Ashamed To Admit Was Actually In America.
Along the way, the mayor was a party to a lawsuit brought by two men fired from their jobs with the Detroit Police department. Gary Brown and Harold Nelthorpe claimed they were fired from their jobs, in part to stop investigations that would expose His Honor's affairs, particularly with Christine Beatty, his chief of staff.
Go ahead. Take a couple moments to make "chief of staff" jokes. Just get it all out of your system now.
Feel better? OK, we go on. The mayor (married) was shocked, shocked I say at such lurid allegations. Both he and Ms. Beatty (married at the time) vehemently denied the claims. When a jury sided with the former officers, awarding them $6.5 million in a lawsuit many advised the city to settle, the mayor gave a statement that implied that the problem was a jury that had only one Detroit resident on it. The mayor initially makes statements about appealing the verdict, but eventually someone talks him into settling the lawsuit for $8.4 million, counting legal fees and interest.
OK, all that was setup, for the really fun part. The part where the Detroit Free Press got ahold of text messages between Kilpatrick and Beatty that seem to show that Kilpatrick and Beatty were unquestionably having an affair, and therefore lying under oath when they testified at the civil trial.
So, on the one hand, the mayor lied under oath, which is in fact a crime, and as a result the City of Detroit, not exactly a cash-rich operation, is out over 8 million big ones. On the other hand, the lies were about sex, so precedent dictates that instead of resigning in shame, Kilpatrick should double his popularity and go on to become a popular international statesman.
Seriously, if Hillary Clinton wants to sell tickets to watch her suggest how Detroit should react to this, I'd buy one.
After several days of speculation, Christine Beatty resigned her position as chief of staff. So, the female half of this scandal has paid for it with her job. Now, as a beacon of fairness and equality, Mayor Kilpatrick, who accepted Beatty's resignation, surely is going to insist on being treated equally, and will also resign, right?
I think we all know that if that's what had happened, I wouldn't have given it that much build-up.
So now the mayor is potentially facing perjury charges, although I'll predict that somehow they find a way not to charge him. ("It's time for us all to heal and come together for the benefit of Detroit" would be my guess.)
So, that's what's been happening in Detroit since we left.
Red Wings are still pretty good though. So they've got that.
Damned decent of you
Driver decides to drop plans to sue the family of the teenage boy he ran over and killed.
You see, the boy and his bicycle damaged his Audi A-8. And that's apparently a pretty fancy car.
You see, the boy and his bicycle damaged his Audi A-8. And that's apparently a pretty fancy car.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
What?
Spouse, just a few minutes ago: What happened in South Carolina?
Me: They lost at Kentucky.
Spouse: The primary, dipshit.
Me: Obama won. The chick took third.
Spouse (Edwards supporter): Whoo-hoo! Oh, no wait, you're being a jerk here.
Me: They lost at Kentucky.
Spouse: The primary, dipshit.
Me: Obama won. The chick took third.
Spouse (Edwards supporter): Whoo-hoo! Oh, no wait, you're being a jerk here.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
2008 Royal Rumble Preview
It's the biggest event in wrestling that isn't Wrestlemania or a Vince McMahon press conference trying to explain how some wrestler's premature death isn't his fault.
Chris Jericho vs. John Bradshaw Layfield
Who Should Win: Jericho - who can add something new to main events.
Who Will Win: Probably Bradshaw
Will It Suck? Both guys are returning after lengthy layoffs, so maybe, but they're capable of a good match.
Career Threatening Match - Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Ric Flair
Who Should Win: Flair
Who Will Win: Flair
Will It Suck? Flair's a shadow of what he used to be, but he and MVP should be able to make this enjoyable.
World Championship Match - Edge (c) vs. Rey Misterio
Who Should Win: It's time for Edge to be in the main event at Wrestlemania
Who Will Win: Which he will be.
Will It Suck? No, and this has the potential to be outstanding.
WWE Title Match - Randy Orton (c) vs. Jeff Hardy
Who Should Win: Contrary to expectations and common sense, Jeff Hardy has actually caught fire and made people really want him to win here.
Who Will Win: He's still barely over 200 pounds and has weird hair and Vince McMahon's still in charge. Orton retains.
Will It Suck? If Hardy doesn't kill himself trying something insane, this should be pretty good.
Royal Rumble Match
Who Should Win: The Undertaker - Taker-Edge is the biggest matchup the WWE has, and they should start hyping it now.
Who Will Win: Probably the Undertaker, although Triple H (who will almost certainly be Orton's WM opponent) is a decent bet.
Will It Suck? No.
Backlund Award - given to the wrestler who lasts the longest - Jamie Noble would benefit from a long run, as would the always awesome but never pushed Shelton Benjamin.
Diesel Award - given to the wrestler who tosses out the most people - My money would be on Umaga, who could make a face turn with a strong run in the early going.
Chris Jericho vs. John Bradshaw Layfield
Who Should Win: Jericho - who can add something new to main events.
Who Will Win: Probably Bradshaw
Will It Suck? Both guys are returning after lengthy layoffs, so maybe, but they're capable of a good match.
Career Threatening Match - Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Ric Flair
Who Should Win: Flair
Who Will Win: Flair
Will It Suck? Flair's a shadow of what he used to be, but he and MVP should be able to make this enjoyable.
World Championship Match - Edge (c) vs. Rey Misterio
Who Should Win: It's time for Edge to be in the main event at Wrestlemania
Who Will Win: Which he will be.
Will It Suck? No, and this has the potential to be outstanding.
WWE Title Match - Randy Orton (c) vs. Jeff Hardy
Who Should Win: Contrary to expectations and common sense, Jeff Hardy has actually caught fire and made people really want him to win here.
Who Will Win: He's still barely over 200 pounds and has weird hair and Vince McMahon's still in charge. Orton retains.
Will It Suck? If Hardy doesn't kill himself trying something insane, this should be pretty good.
Royal Rumble Match
Who Should Win: The Undertaker - Taker-Edge is the biggest matchup the WWE has, and they should start hyping it now.
Who Will Win: Probably the Undertaker, although Triple H (who will almost certainly be Orton's WM opponent) is a decent bet.
Will It Suck? No.
Backlund Award - given to the wrestler who lasts the longest - Jamie Noble would benefit from a long run, as would the always awesome but never pushed Shelton Benjamin.
Diesel Award - given to the wrestler who tosses out the most people - My money would be on Umaga, who could make a face turn with a strong run in the early going.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Be careful out there kids...
Pennsylvania man faces involuntary manslaughter and reckless endangerment charges after his wife dies, allegedly because he shocked her with an electric cord during sex.
Remember folks, safe sex requires a condom, and sometimes, a surge protector.
Remember folks, safe sex requires a condom, and sometimes, a surge protector.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
And two hours later, he figured out he had the wrong number...
Now on DVD - The Academy Award-nominated "Norbit!"
Seriously - it got nominated for best makeup.
Also nominated - a bunch of stuff I haven't seen, and you probably haven't either. (Okay, you might have seen "Juno," and maybe "Michael Clayton." But seriously, "There Will Be Blood?" Who saw that after learning it wasn't writted and directed by Eli Roth or Rob Zombie?)
I have, however, seen all three movies nominated for Best Visual Effects. ("Transformers" should win, "Pirates of the Caribbean" will win.) So don't tell me I don't watch Oscar-caliber films.
Also nominated - a bunch of stuff I haven't seen, and you probably haven't either. (Okay, you might have seen "Juno," and maybe "Michael Clayton." But seriously, "There Will Be Blood?" Who saw that after learning it wasn't writted and directed by Eli Roth or Rob Zombie?)
I have, however, seen all three movies nominated for Best Visual Effects. ("Transformers" should win, "Pirates of the Caribbean" will win.) So don't tell me I don't watch Oscar-caliber films.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Cloverfield...
...is pretty good.
You might be a little unsatisfied with the ending.
That is all.
(Unless you've seen it, or want spoilers - in which case, comment away.)
You might be a little unsatisfied with the ending.
That is all.
(Unless you've seen it, or want spoilers - in which case, comment away.)
Friday, January 18, 2008
Justice Delayed...
The Justice League movie needs a re-write, so chalk it up as a casualty of the writer's strike, while the writers are on the picket line.
Apparently some of the cast has been confirmed, however. The OC's Adam Brody would play the Wally West incarnation of the Flash. Come guy named DJ Cotrona is supposed to be Superman. Australian model Megan Gale is Wonder Woman. Green Lantern will be played by Common, and playing Batman is apparently someone named Arnie Hammer.
That's right. Arnie Hammer.
Apparently some of the cast has been confirmed, however. The OC's Adam Brody would play the Wally West incarnation of the Flash. Come guy named DJ Cotrona is supposed to be Superman. Australian model Megan Gale is Wonder Woman. Green Lantern will be played by Common, and playing Batman is apparently someone named Arnie Hammer.
That's right. Arnie Hammer.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Be careful what you wish for...
Gang member posts YouTube video, taunting police to come and get him.
So they do.
Sounds stupid, right? But don't worry, he had a perfectly good reason:
So they do.
Sounds stupid, right? But don't worry, he had a perfectly good reason:
Villanueva told investigators the purpose of the video was to 'instill fear in people who will `roll up on me,' '' according to the criminal complaint.Since the cops took his guns when they arrested him, now you will have to fear his mighty brain.
So this is what private sector jobs are like...
California appeals court overturns a $1.5 million dollar civil verdict in favor of a woman who was spanked in front of her co-workers. Apparently in the private sector, the following constitutes "team building:"
Wonder why.
The opinion (which can be read here), deals more with erroneous jury instructions and inconsistent verdicts.
Employees were paddled with rival companies' yard signs as part of a contest that pitted sales teams against one another. The winners poked fun at the losers, throwing pies at them, feeding them baby food, making them wear diapers and swatting their buttocks.Before you ask if they're hiring, the story also advises us that the company has abandoned the practice.
Wonder why.
The opinion (which can be read here), deals more with erroneous jury instructions and inconsistent verdicts.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
The best thing about living in Atlanta...
The slightest dusting of snow has just started to fall - plans are being made to shut down everything.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
I knew there was something I didn't like about the guy...
Mitt Romney wins Michigan. Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton manages a solid victory over "Uncommitted" and will be using "Hillary Clinton: Somewhat Better Than Nothing" as her new campaign slogan from now on.
Meanwhile the Romney camp is sticking with the tried and true "Romney: Because Hell, You Gotta Vote For Somebody."
Meanwhile the Romney camp is sticking with the tried and true "Romney: Because Hell, You Gotta Vote For Somebody."
The definition of insanity...
Giving Uwe Boll any amount of money, let alone $70 million, to make a movie based on a video game.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Father of the Year
Wisconsin man leaves his 1 1/2 year old son in the car for several hours while he goes to a strip club.
The sheriff said the man had told his wife he was going to the grocery store for milk but went directly to the strip club.Despite this, the wife bailed him out. Possibly so she could kill him herself.
Friday, January 11, 2008
An atypical love story.
Boy meets girl.
Boy falls in love with girl.
Boy marries girl.
Boy and girl learn they are, in fact, twins separated at birth.
Boy loses girl. (But, presumably, gains a sister.)
Angelina Jolie steels herself for a wave of jokes about the movie rights.
West Virginia steels itself for a wave of jokes about the couple moving there.
Boy falls in love with girl.
Boy marries girl.
Boy and girl learn they are, in fact, twins separated at birth.
Boy loses girl. (But, presumably, gains a sister.)
Angelina Jolie steels herself for a wave of jokes about the movie rights.
West Virginia steels itself for a wave of jokes about the couple moving there.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
John Edwards: Too Much of a Tool For His Own Running Mate
John Kerry endorses Barack Obama, saying "Seriously, I had to listen to the guy every day during the '04 campaign, and seriously, if America had to listen to that for the next four years, I'd use my wife's money to fly us all to Switzerland."
Well, he may not have said that exactly - I just skimmed the story. But it was probably something close.
Well, he may not have said that exactly - I just skimmed the story. But it was probably something close.
Monday, January 07, 2008
His only sin is failure
10-year old Diego is having so much fun on the holidays, he doesn't want to go back to school. Him and everyone else, right? Well, the difference is - Diego did something about it.
He glued his hand to his bed with industrial strength glue so he wouldn't be able to go to school.
I didn't say he did anything smart.
Paramedics had to free the boy, during which his mother made, I believe, one error:
He glued his hand to his bed with industrial strength glue so he wouldn't be able to go to school.
I didn't say he did anything smart.
Paramedics had to free the boy, during which his mother made, I believe, one error:
Diego watched cartoons while they worked to unglue him, eventually using a spray to dissolve the chemical adhesive.Anyone think Diego would try and pull this crap again if he had to watch C-Span?
Not to be confused with Jasmine
Your results:
You are Zoe Washburne (Second-in-command
Click here to take the Serenity Firefly Personality Test
Tip - Shepherd, who post-mortems the fantasy football season so I don't have to, except to note that Shawn Alexander is dead to me, and the Carolina Panthers should tell their backup QB's that that Smith guy is pretty good, and they should throw him the ball.
You are Zoe Washburne (Second-in-command
| Dependable and trustworthy. You love your significant other and you are a tough cookie when in a conflict.  |
Click here to take the Serenity Firefly Personality Test
Tip - Shepherd, who post-mortems the fantasy football season so I don't have to, except to note that Shawn Alexander is dead to me, and the Carolina Panthers should tell their backup QB's that that Smith guy is pretty good, and they should throw him the ball.
Saturday, January 05, 2008
Happy new year and all that
From our pack to yours.
