Crosblog

Police are looking for a woman who entered a Michigan University frat house, took off her clothes, and began masturbating, refusing to stop or leave until the police were called.

Best part of the story? This line:

Fraternity members said they will throw out two couches in the living room because of the incident, Nye said.

Tip - Steve Silver.

This weekend is the biggest event on wrestling's calendar, Wrestlemania. Keeping with tradition, here are my picks, although I note that Mike beat me to the punch.

United States Title Match - Chris Benoit (c) vs. Montel Vontavious Porter aka "MVP"
Who Should Win - I'm going to agree with Mike on this - MVP could use the belt and dropping the title would free up Benoit to challenge for the World title.
Who Will Win - Tough call - let's say MVP.
Will It Suck? - Chris Benoit matches do not suck.

Kane vs. The Great Khali
Who Should Win - Well, Kane's not a dangerously untalented fountain of suck, so let's say him.
Who Will Win - Khali - I think his size has spellbound the higher-ups
Will It Suck? - It pains me to say it, because I like Kane, but hoo boy will this suck.

WWE Women's Title - "Lumberjill Match" - Melina (c) vs. Ashley Massaro
Who Should Win - Melina
Who Will Win - Melina
Will It Suck - As a match, yes. Ashley still can't wrestle. There will be other reasons to pay attention, however.

8-man tag - ECW Originals (Tommy Dreamer, Sandman, Sabu, & Rob Van Dam) vs. ECW New Breed (Marquis Cor Von, Kevin Thorn, Matt Striker, & Elijah Burke)
Who Should Win - The New Breed has a bigger upside.
Who Will Win - Plus Vince McMahon hates all the old guys.
Will It Suck? - It'll be a trainwreck, but it should be entertaining, if you're not an old-school ECW mark and can handle the new guys winning without bursting a blood vessel.

Money in the Bank Ladder Match - Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy vs. CM Punk vs. King Booker vs. Fit Finlay vs. Edge vs. Randy Orton vs. Ken Kennedy
Who Should Win - Edge - he's never lost at WM, and when he does, it should be one on one.
Who Will Win - Tough call again - I can make a case for everyone but Finlay. Kennedy's the odds-on favorite, but the winner who would really pop the crowd is Matt Hardy. I'll go with him.
Will It Suck? - No.

Hair vs. Hair - Bobby Lashley w/ Donald Trump vs. Umaga w/ Vince McMahon
Who Should Win - As much as I'd love to see the Donald shaved, having Vinny Mac spend the next year trying to take revenge on Lashley could make for good TV.
Who Will Win - If Lashley dies in the ring, Umaga will fall to the mat and drag Lashley's corpse on top of him.
Will It Suck? - The whole spectacle will be entertaining, and both guys can go all right in the ring. It should be pretty good.

WWE Title Match - John Cena (c) vs. Shawn Michaels
Who Should Win - Cena.
Who Will Win - Cena.
Will It Suck? - Shawn Michaels matches do not suck. Cena can deliver on the big cards. This will not suck.

World Title Match - Batista (c) vs. The Undertaker.
Who Should Win - Undertaker - the biggest prize in wrestling isn't a world title, it's the position of being the man who ends the Undertaker's 14-year winning streak at Wrestlemania. Batista isn't the right man for that spot.
Who Will Win - Undertaker - all reports say Batista is falling out of favor.
Will It Suck? - It'll be decent. Taker's a safe bet to give it his best, but Batista showing up motivated isn't a sure thing.

The whole card looks pretty good - Cena/Michaels and MitB will both be excellent matches, Lashley/Umaga will be a lot of fun, and there are a couple potential pleasant surprises on the card if some unknown quantities can step up. (I'm looking at you, MVP). Could be better, though - I'd like to see Edge and Orton pulled from the MitB match and given a match with Paul London & Brian Kendrick, and throwing out a Chavo Guerrero/Jimmy Wang Yang Cruiserweight title match would have helped too.

But, then, I have Final Four tickets, so I wasn't going to pay for the show anyway, so tell Vince he can do what he wants.

Granted, betting on the venality of the UN, particularly the UN Human Rights Council, is kind of trumpeting your basketball handicapping prowess because you were able to correctly predict the winner of Florida-Jackson State.

Still, when we hear that said Human Rights Council no longers deems Iran or Uzbekistan worthy of scrutiny, it is no big deal to point out that Stone Cold John Bolton pretty much told everyone this was going to happen. Meanwhile, we can all empathize with the disappointed surprise of advocates of this exercise in futility, such as Human Rights Watch.

Also not terribly worthy of Human Rights Council attention - Darfur.

To be fair, it's not like the HRC is doing nothing. They're totally investigating a potential human rights abuser, and they're totally outraged, and it's so outrageous that they maybe just don't have time for these other places.

Guess where they're focusing their attention. Go on, guess.

Students getting course credit for attending Final Four.

You know what I'm talking about.

Florida Gators star Joakim Noah...



...and American Idol comedy act Sanjaya Malakar?



If the comparison is apt, it means that Noah will miss every shot he takes, and Florida wins the national title.

Get a look at Capt. Jack Sparrow as the Demon Barber of Fleet Street.

Looking forward to this one - the film includes Borat, Dracula, and Giles.

Zimbabwe arrests opposition head Morgan Tsvangirai.

This, just about two weeks after Tsvangirai had the crap beaten out of him by Mugabe's goon squad.

Meanwhile, the African Union is holding a meeting to discuss the possibility of forming a committee to consider eventually sending Mugabe a strongly worded letter condeming his actions. Or maybe not so strongly worded, depending on what side of the bed Thabo Mbeki got up on.

God bless diplomacy.

LeBron James is building a house with its own casino.

Great comment from one of James' future neighbors, concerning the likelihood of James dropping by to shoot hoops with the neighbor kids:

"I said, 'Honey, I don't think that's going to happen. Besides that, don't ever, ever invite LeBron over to our house to play ball because he's going to twist his ankle and I will have my house eternally egged."'

But be sure to bring him a ham when he moves in. That's just being neighborly.

Best I can tell, we now have our first official challenger to Sen. Saxby Chambliss, up for re-election next year.

DeKalb County CEO Vernon Jones officially filed with the FEC and announced a formal kick-off party, and also made the news for walking into Sax Bomb's office and telling Saxual Harassment to his face that he was going to be challenging him for his seat.

So far, Jones is the biggest name to announce. So far, there are no statewide officials or Members of Congress mentioned as possible opponents for HeteroSaxual. (Reason to root for a challenger - I'm not going to stop with the name thing.) Gubernatorial candidate Mark Taylor announced he was done with politics after getting whomped by Sonny Perdue, and Taylor's brutal battle for the Democratic nomination probably took Cathy Cox down with him as a statewide candidate. Attorney General Thurburt Baker is believed to want the Governor's chair, and expects to get his turn at the race in 2010. None of Georgia's Democratic members of Congress are terribly well-known outside their districts, with the exception of John Lewis, and he ain't going anywhere now that his crew has the gavels. Jim Marshall may have the politics to mount a serious challenge, but those politics make Democratic activists queasy. His Congressional seat has a massive bulls-eye on it, however, and the Dems may want the advantage of incumbency in his district. The one Democrat who could give Sax You Up any kind of serious challenge is, in my opinion, Atlanta Mayor Shirley Franklin. Franklin is hugely popular in Atlanta, and would probably get Barack Obama-esque press coverage should she choose to run. That said, she's apparently said she ain't doing it.

If Vernon Jones is the biggest name running, the GOP can put this in the book for Oral Sax. First of all, Jones apparently claimed to have voted for Bush in 2004. Throw in allegations of sexual and campaign finance improprieties and you have a candidate Democrats won't want to nominate, but may not have anyone else.

Talentless load Eddie Griffin wrecks $1.2 million Ferrari Enzo. At first, I was horrified - who the hell pays Eddie Griffin enough for him to afford a $1.2 million car? Then I leared it wasn't his car.

OK, that's not entirely fair. "Undercover Brother" was amusing.

Watch the car turn into a very large accordion here.

They know how to clone wolves now.

But hey, how likely is really that an army of cloned wolves will break out and wreak havoc on a major American city?

I'd say, no more than 40%. 50-50, tops.

So the guards at a border crossing between the Gaza Strip and Egypt notice an unusually shaped woman, like she's got something under her clothes. This is the Middle East, so that's gotta be unnerving. They do their job and search her, and find out that she has three crocodiles strapped to her body.

"The policewoman screamed and ran out of the room, and then women began screaming and panicking when they heard," Telleria said. But when the hysteria died down, she said, "everybody was admiring a woman who is able to tie crocodiles to her body."

And given the sort of things that usually get smuggled across border crossings in that neck of the woods, I'll bet they were relieved to find out it was just crocodiles.

Unrest and isolation have frightened Robert Mugabe.

Meanwhile, Mugabe appeals for African unity, citing his usual reasons:

"The West and the Western news networks are demonizing Zimbabwe, giving a one-sided perspective," he said. Ndlovu urged African countries to resist Western pressure to attack Zimbabwe, or President Robert Mugabe's government, ZTV added.

Note to Thabo Mbeki and everyone else whose nonchalance has enabled the hell Mugabe has made of his country - standing up to Mugabe isn't siding with the West nearly as much as it's siding with the people of Zimbabwe.

Tony Blair's going to get a good meal regardless of the stance you take. The average man on the street in Harare - a little more touch and go there.

And, apparently, nobody wants to.

Although, I should mention that Detroit is conveniently located to Windsor, Ontario, which is a lot of fun to visit.

Not Detroit. Detroit sucks.

Democracy.

Disorder = Productivity. Read it and weep, neat freaks:

"Most of us are messy, and most of us are messy at a level that works very, very well for us," he said in an interview. "In most cases, if we got a lot neater and more organized, we would be less effective."

I wonder if anyone else has had such a brilliant idea?

So go and organize your desk, and make sure your paper clips are all lined up the same way, or whatever it is you people do, and don't worry about us. We'll be behind the giant stacks of paper, doing the work that keeps the nation from sliding into anarchy.

Tip: Slashdot by way of the Corner.

Brian Nichols' trial moved to September, due to public defender funding issues.

Apparently to some people, The Great Southern Plague, by which I mean kudzu, is an edible delicacy.

This means the wooded area beside my house is now an all-you-can buffet. Bring your own silverware.

Slavery museum urged to return donation from Phillip Morris.

It's clear where the fault for this controversy lies - this never would have happened had Barack Obama not given up smoking.

Recent denials notwithstanding, who else could persuade animal rights advocates to agitate for the death of a baby polar bear?



You've made powerful enemies, young one.

Welcome aboard. Please make them stop sucking.

Is, and remains, U.S. Ambassador to Zimbabwe Christopher Dell, who walked out during a lecture from Zimbabwe's foreign minister about staying out of the way while the government brutally assaults oppposition activists.

Tatter, maybe. Singular. At the moment, my whole Final Four remains intact, mostly because I lacked the guts to pick a Final Four team lower than a #3 seed. (Florida, Pittsburgh, Georgetown, and Memphis.) This usually doesn't happen, because my natural prejudices against North Carolina, Duke, and Indiana usually cause me to pick upsets where no sane man would see them. (Note to Duke - sane men everywhere saw VCU coming. Neener neener.)

The basketball was good, even if the only surprises were mild. Butler/Maryland and Vanderbilt/Washington State were upsets in only the most mild sense of the word, and as for UNLV over Wisconsin, seriously, is anyone surprised the first major seed to choke is a Big Ten team?

The fun Final Four would be Butler, Southern Illinois, Vanderbilt, and Memphis. The one we're probably going to get is four schools we've all seen a thousand times before, because I just spent a boatload of my wife's money on tickets and God forbid I get to see something original.

Hooters is coming to Israel.

If you see a leprechaun on the side of the road this weekend, take note - he may just be a police officer clocking speeders.

And here's a video...

Accused child molester cuts off electronic monitoring bracelet so he could appear on a taping of "Jerry Springer."

NY restaurateur offering a lobster and caviar pizza for $1,000.

Note to Clinton and Guiliani campaigns - do not let your candidate get photographed eating one of these.

It's in Australia, but I think it translates to here as well. Read the response from a prominent Sydney law firm to a questionnaire sent out for a job fair:

Who from your firm will be attending?

A representative selection of some of our finest and most earnest young solicitors may attend, subject to their daily billing targets. If the stall is unattended, it’s because we’re all doing something more important.

Will they be making any presentations or giving talks?

Unlikely. They’re quite shy and very focused on their chargeable hours. We will be raffling off an interview every hour as usual, but this should be no cause for amusement or conversation.

What items/information will you have for graduates to take away?

We will be giving away a manila folder containing a sample time sheet, a list of after-hours dinner delivery services in the CBD, a guide to achieving optimum personal billing statistics during your summer clerkship and a bus ticket.

What are the three most important qualities you are looking for in a graduate employee?

A law degree; willingness to work till it hurts, then keep working; and the personality and personal values of a federal cabinet minister.

How many positions will you have available for graduates this year?

We prefer to hire in bulk to account for natural attrition and burnout. This year we are taking 150 graduates in the hope of there being six or seven of them left standing by February 2008. This is more than previously because we’ve been losing them faster than anticipated. Young people today just seem to be soft.

Ahh...government work. Gotta love it.

Tip - Volokh.

Man suspected of drunk driving tells police that a unicorn wrecked his car, and not him.

And I'll bet the unicorn didn't have a valid driver's license, either.

The Niagara Purple Eagles defeat the Florida A & M Rattlers to advance to the portion of the NCAA tournament people actually give a crap about.

While congratulations are in order, seriously guys, "Purple Eagles?"

Still, they play Kansas, who went out in the first round as a four seed last year, and a three seed the year before, so if #16 were to pick the team they wanted to play, this would be it.

Man, politics in other places is fun. Craig Callaway used to be the president of the Atlantic City Council, until, well...he got caught doing a lot of stuff. He's going to prison for taking bribes from a contractor, but that's only part of the fun.

Prior to being sentenced for the bribery, he was found guilty of harassing a woman who was canvassing for a petition recalling Callaway. (Gee, can't imagine why she wanted him recalled.)

And then there's this. A fellow councilman and political rival of Callaway's was videotaped in a motel room receiving oral sex from a woman claimed to be a prostitute. Now, how did the media get ahold of this tape? Well, according to a clerk at the motel, guess who rented the rooms where this councilman was being filmed?

So, standing before the federal judge who plans to sentence him, what explanation does he have for his actions?

"I am very zealous, very passionate when it comes to representing the people who have been left out of the process. I didn't conform to the law," Callaway told the judge. "I tried to make my own rules to make things better for the people who have been left out."

That's right - he did it for the people.

You know who just has to weigh in on this?



"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

And just like that, we have our first Montoya Award winner of 2007.

It's common in the U.S. to claim that one side or the other of a political debate is trying to "suppress" their opposition, which when you look into it, usually turns out to be a response that the speaker doesn't like.

Then you hear about Zimbabwe, where Morgan Tsvangirai, the political leader of the opposition and dozens of members of his organization, were beaten and arrested during a prayer meeting.

To use the same word that gets thrown around when someone deletes a blog comment just doesn't seem right.

Movie "300" described as cultural warfare against Iran.

Because as we all know, when George Bush looks for a partner to further his policy goals - he looks to Hollywood.

I haven't seen it yet, although I hear it's good. But just so I can make an informed decision, I need to know - does President Wackypants want me to see the movie?

A cultural advisor to President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad described the film as "American psychological warfare against Iran."

"American cultural officials thought they could get mental satisfaction by plundering Iran's historic past and insulting this civilization," Javad Shamaghdari told semi-official Fars news agency.

That settles it.

I am so there.

Israel recalls its ambassador to El Salvador. A diplomatic row between the two countries? Not exactly:

Two weeks ago, El Salvador police found Raphael naked outside his residence, tied up, gagged and drunk, Israeli media reported. He was wearing several sex toys at the time, the media said. After he was untied, Raphael told police he was the ambassador of Israel, the reports said.

Ben-Hillel said the reports were accurate and that Raphael has been recalled, although he did not break any laws.

"We're talking about behavior that is unbecoming of a diplomat," she said.

The ambassador's plans for the future are reportedly to "move to the U.S. and do whatever it is that Dick Morris does."

Only called 48 teams this year, in part due to some upsets in smaller conferences, and in part due to the NCAA having their heads up their collective Bobby Knights.

Viewing the bracket, one can only conclude the selection committee decided that last year's tournament was boring. Apparently the presence of mid-major teams who did not win their conference tournament just mucks things up and sows confusion - you all recall how dull it was to watch George Mason and Bradley last year. My theory is whoever's in charge of the selection committee had a UConn-Pitt final, and mid-majors cost him a hundred bucks in his local pool. (Don't underestimate the hatred a college basketball fan can hold for the guy or team that wrecks his pool sheet. I, personally, cannot guarantee I will brake if I ever see Christian Laettner crossing the street. I'd put even money on not backing up over him, but that's as far as I'll go.)

As this Gary Parrish column notes - RPI only protects the big guys, as Illinois, Arkansas, and Stanford get in on subpar seasons with good RPI's, while Drexel, which pretty much everyone agrees would scare the hell out of any team that drew them, is NIT bound, despite a higher RPI than Stanford and Arkansas. Meanwhile, mid majors get only 6 at-large bids, and that includes nationally ranked Butler, Southern Illinois, and Nevada, who were all upset in their conference tournaments.

So, anyway, the tournament starts tomorrow, with the NCAA's annual tribute to historically black colleges and universities, aka the "Opening Round Game." Should you not attend Florida A & M or Niagra, the real tournament begins Thursday.

My bracket has Georgetown over Florida in the finals, mostly because I don't want Florida to win, but I really can't think of anyone who will beat them.

FOX is going to hold the premiere of The Simpsons Movie in Springfield, and is holding a contest among Springfields across the nation to determine which one.

You might think Springfield, Oregon would have the inside track, with Matt Groening being from Portland and all.

Note to Springfields located in states I used to live in - get cracking. I can rationalize a trip to Missouri or Illinois - probably not Oregon.

Besides the fact that it's, you know, Friday, there are things like watching Tyra Banks grope Katherine McPhee.

And there's a bonus picture of Angelina Jolie, as well.

OK, according to all this, it's at least possible that New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson may, stress may, have, shall we say, a somewhat Clintonian attitude towards women around him. (I'm willing to be bipartisan about this, but "Schwarzeneggerian" is a little cumbersome.)

Richardson denies doing anything seriously wrong, and nobody has accused him of anything specific beyond being kind of a jerk, which isn't that big a deal.

Here's the part that worries me:

Still, the concerns have become enough of a headwind for Richardson's campaign that the candidate has a more substantive response -- that his personal conduct was vetted, and effectively given a seal of approval, when he was considered for the vice presidential nomination by John F. Kerry in 2004.

"The Kerry people vetted me for vice president," he told The Politico last week. He knew this, he said, because Jim Johnson, the veteran Washington lawyer and Democratic insider, "has said so."

Just so I'm clear, the reason Richardson doesn't think he has a problem is because John Kerry's campaign staff looked into it when he was up for the Veep spot, and they didn't come up with anything consequential.

So Richardson is placing his faith in the competence of the people who ran John Kerry's Presidential campaign?

Oooooo-kay.

Governor Bill Richardson. Experienced. Moderate. Kinda stupid.

Man lights his own genitals on fire after watching the Jackass movie.

James Kirchick in TNR about life in modern-day Zimbabwe, where what was once Africa's most prosperous country is now a place where people try and trap mice for food.

And in response, the multilaterism brigade is, well...they're doing something.

North Korea complains to the U.N. about Japan "suppressing" Korean residents.

Because, if anyone is committed to the idea that people should be allowed to speak and organize and question the rulers of the land where they reside, it's the gang in charge of North Freaking Korea.

Note to Ban Ki-moon - if your response to this is "are you high?", I'm willing to retract most of what I've said about the U.N.

Captain America killed off.

This is the comic book version of a retirement match in pro wrestling. (I believe Ric Flair has lost at least three retirement matches.) I mean, they brought back Bucky, for crap's sake. I give this three months. (Two if the plan is to just stick U.S. Agent in the suit, which, techincally speaking, would not be the cop-out Superman's death was.)

Cap dies in the aftermath of Marvel's Civil War, where he bravely spoke Truth to Power, only to have Power speak back and make it clear that Truth didn't know what the hell it was talking about.

Which is an allegory for nothing, they swear.

Record Mega Millions jackpot. Should I win, I have pledged to come to work and talk like a pirate all day.

Canada most popular kid in that global high school we call the world. Think of them as the international answer to Zac Efron in High School Musical.

Us? Better liked than Israel and North Korea, not as beloved as Venezuela and China. I think that makes us Ashley Tisdale.

Per MSNBC, Lewis Libby found guilty on counts 1, 2, 4, & 5. Not guilty on count 3.

What's with all the recent sword-related crazy stuff?

On the heels of the mistaken sword-rescue/porn-watching interruption comes yet another sword-related crime story. A man takes a sword to his ex-girlfriend's home, only to learn his ex is not only not alone, but is with someone who has his own sword and knows how to use it.

(Note - that last statement is not a euphemism for anything else. Seriously. Perverts.)

Also, on the whole mistaken rescue thing, if you're not going to bother to stage your rescue until nine hours after hearing the cry for help, you claim to the title of heroic, but mistaken is somewhat tenuous.

Just saying.

Swiss army company gets lost during training exercise, accidentally invades Liechtenstein.

In response, the UN released a statement blaming the invasion on Israeli intransigence.

Bob has a post about how quickly you can name all the states in the union, and notes the perfect study guide, the Animaniacs song "Wakko's America."

For those who need to study, look no further:



I miss the Animaniacs.

Man arrested after trying to cash a $50,000 check from God.

The check thing was the first clue. Obviously, being God, He knows how to make an electronic transfer.

Latest quote from President Wackypants:

"The Zionists are the true manifestation of Satan," Ahmadinejad said during the state visit, speaking to a meeting of Sudanese Islamic scholars in the capital Khartoum.

Funny, I always thought the true manifestation of Satan was that guy from the Foo Fighters.

Inmates at no-smoking prison take hostages, release them in exchange for cigarettes.

Background here.